Want to write a passionate letter to the editor that will get published? Send us your ideas, thoughts or rants. We'll publish them.
Dear Editor,
As you know, the Austin Sun is one of the very rare publications that has not disgraced itself by reporting fake news. Those fake news outlets - sad! I think you could get some quality outside help to increase your circulation if you just allowed some important people to send in letters to the editor. Why haven't you allowed letters to the editor?
You are really hurting yourself. Just last week, I had my heart set on some non-fake news about the G20 summit. I wish I could have sent you a letter that made some beautiful, and I mean really beautiful suggestions, about effective coverage. I would have told you that:
1. Several lengthy stories could have been written about the clothing worn by Ivanka Trump. You know, stories that described how her appearance as the U.S. representative to the conference was more than just color-coordinated. It was beautiful, and I mean really beautiful. And it was more than stunningly beautiful. It made such a profound statement. The colors conveyed an attitude of belligerent rudeness that was the whole point of the conference. No wonder the conference was such a success!
2. There could have been a beautiful article about the dazzling new line of Ivanka Trump accessories that were introduced in Moscow on May Day. As it is now, no one knows about the beautiful, and I mean really beautiful, leopard-skin carrying case for the AK-47 that every woman needs. Sad!
3, There was no coverage in fake news productions about the pink dress worn by that Polish bitch. You could have published several articles about how that shade of pink could only be worn by an old bitch suffering from dementia.
4. Finally, and most important, you could have pointed out that the Germans were cheap. They didn't have a glowing orb. They didn't have any effective police. I mean, there were paid outside demonstrators who weren't arrested, and there was no one there to take down those protesters' voting histories. They didn't even have an appropriate red carpet for our President, the only President in history to be elected by such a huge margin and had the biggest crowd in history at his inauguration. How could he convey his deep love and respect for Melania (is that her name?) without a red carpet?
So, really, start a Letter to Editors webpage. You'll be able to grab some really beautiful ladies who want to hear the real truth. But if you don't follow this suggestion, there could be some really sad accidents. And I mean really sad.
Sincerely,
George Donner
Very Successful Fashion Consultant
721-725 Fifth Avenue -- Penthouse
New York, New York 10022
James BigBoy Medlin wrote this letter to the editor in response to a column in Silver City Daily Press in Silver City New Mexico.
Dear editor,
I would like to congratulate Vic Topmiller Jr. on setting a new direction for far-right political strategy. In his column published on June 30, Mr. Topmiller Jr. shifts the blame for everything wrong with America from President Obama to the true culprit, John F. Kennedy. Mr. Topmiller Jr. says “…when John F. Kennedy was president, I began to see our loss of values and the sinful slide of our government.”
This shift of focus is as brilliant as it is diabolical. Do not be surprised if Republican Speakers of the House, both past and present, take up this argument on the Fox News Networks as early as this week. I’m sure Speaker Paul Ryan can find Topmiller Jr.’s revelation to be final proof that 22 million Americans should be deprived of their insurance. Speaker Newt Gingrich must be chomping at the bit to roll in that mud. And I’m sure Speaker Dennis Hastert would delight in slamming this “sinful slide,” if only he had not admitted to molesting at least four boys and was not serving time in a Federal prison. That leaves Speaker John Boehner, who is most likely enjoying life on a beach at an exclusive resort, unaware of this strategic breakthrough.
I have spent way too much time attempting to identify the loss of values and sinfulness of the brief Kennedy presidency. At first I thought Mr. Topmiller Jr. might be referring to Kennedy’s alleged adulterous escapades. But I realized that anyone supporting Mr. Trump could not be bothered by such personal affairs. Try as I might, I could not make sense of Topmiller’s “sins of the Fathers” diatribe. I refused to believe that Mr. Topmiller Jr. really thinks JFK was doomed to be a bad president because his father sold liquor during prohibition. So that left the crusade for civil rights for all Americans, including attempts to allow all citizens the right to vote. The right wing is still battling that sinful slide. At least now, thanks to Mr. Topmiller Jr., they can ease up on our first Hawaiian President and pile their hate on that Irish Catholic Bostonian war hero who was gunned down in Dallas.
James BigBoy Medlin © 2017
James BigBoy Medlin was the sports writer for the original Austin Sun. His column was called "Why Not?"
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