It’s been hard to keep up with the fast-breaking stories at year’s end. I may have confused a few events, but here’s a capsule review.
Vladimir Putin ordered all American troops sent home from Syria. They will be deployed along the Mexican border to counter the threat of Central American seven-year-olds crossing into this country in search of their mothers. Also, The Prince of Saudi Arabia has funded The Trump School of Journalism to be located in the dungeon of Trump Towers Mecca.
In the feel-good-story of-the-year, Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen and Michael Flynn have formed a prison glee club for all former Trump employees who want to sing. And in a nod to tough economic times, Mar-a-Lago is offering Wednesday Twilight rates for multi-millionaires who cannot afford to golf with their billionaire friends.
To speed up the draining of the swamp, President Trump has ordered the paving of the Florida Everglades. Trump Construction Inc. will give America the same discount on cement for the Everglades that they are giving us for the Wall. North Korea has challenged the Trump Administration to a game of “We’ll hide ours if you hide yours.” Plus, ALL the scientists who do NOT believe in climate change, met together last week in a Cleveland phone booth.
The reorganization of Trump’s cabinet continues with the appointment of the television program “Fox and Friends” as Chief of Staff. Trump announced that he is replacing Defense Secretary General Mattis with General Motors. El Chapo is the new Secretary of Homeland Security. Mr. Chapo initially turned down the position of Secretary because he cannot type. Trump said, “Just as I am the best tax reformer because I can beat the system, El knows more than anyone about beating the Border Patrol. El’s plan saves money by giving Texas, New Mexico and Arizona back to Mexico. Then all we need is a wall around California. Everybody – from Ted Cruz to Kanye West – wants a wall around California because it’s just too groovy!”
After mistakenly rushing into the Women’s Restroom at the ever-so-White House and witnessing Press Secretary Sarah Sanders pulling up her drawers, Vice President Pence is undergoing psychological counseling and 30 lashes a day with a cat-o’-nine tails. And finally, for more than thirteen days, no Trump judicial appointee has been accused of sexual assault.
Happy New Year to Dear Mother Earth!
James BigBoy Medlin © 2018
James BigBoy Medlin was the sports writer for the original Austin Sun. His column was called "Why Not?"
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